Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
