He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
