You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
