you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
