Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
