You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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