we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
