you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
