Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
