My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
