He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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