I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
