Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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