i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
