I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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