the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
