never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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