Im at strip club and am horny
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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