What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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