I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
