Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
