You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
