yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
