I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
