I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
