you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
