I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
