Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
