nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
