That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
soo... how was my night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
