it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
