They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
