I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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