it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize