Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
