miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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