I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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