mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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