The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
