two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
