I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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