My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize