don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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