the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
