Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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