This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
