Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
