you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You pole danced in your parka.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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