Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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