I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize