I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
