my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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