I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
