life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
