someone threw a dead crab at me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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