i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
