I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
