I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
