Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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