yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm both gender and math confused
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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