walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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